Thinking the Worst of People
Why is it that we are forever thinking the worst of people? When we are making up stories – which we always are – we are usually attributing the worst possible motives and intentions to other people. They are often unfounded and untrue, yet, we are loath to check out our stories. It’s better to think the worst of somebody. Then, we get to go all judgmental and superior thanks to our negative mindset. Yuck!
I had somebody ask for my opinion the other day about a situation where they’d sent somebody a message and hadn’t received a response immediately. Did I think the other person was game playing by not responding? Seriously?
Do you have an agreement you will respond to each other within a certain timeframe? I asked. No.
Do you know that the method you used to communicate is one that they use most frequently? (like do they respond to texts more readily than a phone call). No.
Has any conflict happened between the two of you that would support your story? No.
WTF? Talk about a toxic mindset.
How about you ask these questions and get agreement and clarity before attributing such a thing as game playing to somebody? To complete this story, that 2nd person responded and apologized for not getting back sooner. They’d been in a situation where it was important to not be disturbed by mobile devices and they were all turned off.
By using the proper mindset, this could imply a best about somebody. That they may have the ability to put the person in front of them as most important and not be distracted by every beep and bing and buzz!
Changing Your Mindset
One good question to always ask ourselves when we begin to go down the making up stories path is “What’s the best possible story I can make up about this person/situation?” Why not? It is just as likely, if not more so, to be true than the worst one. How about we treat people as though they are good people? Most people are, aren’t they? Yes, we all know some crappy folks but aren’t most of us just trying to do the best we can?
Are we sometimes thoughtless? Forgetful? Spend more time thinking about ourselves than our impact on others? Yes, yes, and yes. But if that’s the worst, how bad is it?
Thinking the Best of People
So, let’s start thinking the best of people and when people ask us to confirm their made up stories about worst case scenarios, let’s question this. Flip it around. I can see you’ve come up with the worst case scenario. What’s the best case?
Let me know how this goes.
Rosalie Boulter, Sept. 2018
Rosalie Boulter would like to see made up stories in books and movies rather than acting themselves out in the relationship arena! She’s busy making up a story that people are shitty communicators and getting all judgy about it and trying to self-coach herself to try on another mindset that doesn’t make her feel so crabby. Check out her upcoming event taking place in October 2018 here: https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/conflict-transformation-tickets-47489029967?aff=ebapi